For a long time, I had the idea that I must succeed, I must be right, I must be important If I let go, I thought, then I wouldn’t be anybody. Well, who was I, anyway? Just a willful alcoholic woman.
Now I’m beginning to see that letting go doesn’t mean giving up. It means opening myself to new vistas. There have been moments of what I would call ecstasy. I’m thrilled and I’m scared at the same time. I feel, “I’d better not enjoy this, because it is going to go away” It’s so hard for me to say, “Okay, you’ve had a little insight. Just let it happen!”
The A.A. program says, “Look, we’ve got some things to give you that are really going to help—if you’ll slow down long enough and if you’ll relax.”
These are not things that are going to make me special or get me a better job or make me important. They are just going to offer me a way of life that is beautiful. When I say, “I want to know something about the spirit in me,” you say, “Go ahead. There isn’t anything to be afraid of. The darkness you may encounter isn’t going to last, because there will always be somebody to help you.” San Francisco, California.